It was the day of the mini CEX neurology exam. I was a wreck, completely and totally traumatized by the previous similar exam. Lots of bad thoughts running in my mind. No matter how hard I tried to push them away, I couldn’t.
I remember walking into Seruni A at 6 a.m. & went straight to Mr. P.U. Vital signs. I was taking the thermometer out, when suddenly his mother came out of nowhere and surprised me.
Nak, mau ujian ya hari ini? Ibu doakan kamu lulus ya. Semoga cepat lulus, dimudahkan dilancarkan semuanya. Jangan pacaran dulu. Nanti saja kalau sudah lulus. Kasihan nak, orang tua keluar biaya banyak untuk anak-anaknya. Ibu doakan semoga dapat jodoh yang baik. Yang sama…
I was utterly shocked. I blinked my eyes repeatedly, couldn’t quite believe the things I was hearing. And I couldn’t say anything other than Amin. I thanked her, and quickly walked back to KDM holding back tears. How. Why. A total stranger just said the kindest words. To me! AndI barely knew her! I handled her son in emergency room on Sunday, she was always nice and polite, but I barely spoke to her. Simple greetings didn’t even count as conversing right. Yet she managed to wish me good luck, and the timing couldn’t be more fitting. I was desperate, in need of comforts. And I got one.
My heart felt warmer and warmer and warmer at the thought of that.
May Allah bless you, Ibu.
Me : (Absentmindedly) Ma, when I finally get married someday, I wanna runaway.
Ma: (Taken aback) Shush it now.
Me: (Shrugging. Looking back at my book)
Ma: What do you mean by “runaway” (I can sense concern and a hint of curiosity in her voice)
Me: (Smile sheepishly) I mean I just want to stop struggling… feeling like struggling with all these (glancing at the mountain of paper on the bed).
Ma: It’s about helping people out there. Just remember that.
Me: (Mumbling) I know. I know.
Ma: I don’t see the difference a man would make though (laughs).
Me: (Hesitant) It’s just nice to know that you can always call it quit when it’s too much; without having to worry about your well being and financial support. Hence there’d be less pressure. And I wouldn’t get stressed so much. And I’d be happier. And I’d be gladly slay all of these (throwing one paper out of the bed). I mean I love studying medicine, helping people and all. It’s the stress that sometimes scares me shitless. (Sigh). It’s nice to be able to choose ma.
Ma: Not a lot of people get the opportunity to learn things you do. And only fewer people are blessed with the job you’ll be doing the next few years. (Eyeing me)
Me: But still..
Ma: Do you believe in Allah?
Me: You know I do. (Awkwardly locking-unlocking my phone)
Ma: You’ve done your best, you’ve prayed hard. So have I.
Have faith in Him. I do. I believe he has the best plan for you.
Me: (Close to tearing up) I need to get back to these.
Ma: (Laughs. Gets back into watching some ridiculous shows on TV as if nothing happens).
How do some people get super friendly to anybody? I find it hard to say hello to a friend without embarassing myself or being awkward. I’d rather pull out my phone, pretending to be busy than have to wave an awkward hello to, well, anybody. I treat people the way I wanna be treated. I don’t like to ask a lot of questions to people I barely know. I hate being nosy. Unlike a friend of mine. Well I wouldn’t call it nosy. S(he) is a little too friendly and care a little too much that’s all. I’m not saying that it’s a bad trait no. Idk I’m just sometimes it got me thinking that there are so many different kind of people with their own unique personalities. People I adore, people I hate with all my heart. We all play our own role. Like, in a large group of friends, there will always be that person who wannabe in charge, whole heartedly, like an alpha wolf- it’s his/her calling. There’s also that one person who’s quiet, invisible, don’t want to have the spotlight on him/her. The cheerful one, who always lites up the atmosphere, whose happiness is contagious. The well-respected one. Even you can’t bring yourself to tell jokes to him/her. Let alone call him/her names, just for fun.
And then there’s me. The quirky one.
Hoping that one day another quirky human being will come around & find me.
I maybe a fucked up person but I know for sure, no woman has ever made me feel the way you do. Do not ever doubt my love for you. I have an enormous space for you. And only you.
The songs that’ll always be played on repeat. I never get bored.
One Direction – Irresistible
Sleeping at Last – Turning Page
Owl City – Sillhouette
Owl City – Vanilla Twilight
The Script – Man on A Wire
He Is We – Blame It on The Rain
Glee Cast – True Colors
A Rocket To The Moon – Where Did You Go?
Meghan Trainor – Like I’m Gonna Lose You
Adam Levine – Lost Stars