(Dec,4th 2014)

(Not) Very surprised to see another mindless doodle on one of many text books I own. I love scribbling out anything that comes into mind, song lyrics, poets, movie scene, my dreams, hopes, fear; and clearly that day I was heavy on Michael Clifford. The red haired dude. With tons of cool tattoos. Who played electric guitar. The man of my dreams. Now I realize that I’m not that into him anymore (my dearest God I am a kid). It’s not like the love and adoration fade away, I still love his music, the way he rocks that guitar, the majestic look he has on stage, it’s just the fact that he’s no longer single probably got me (I am a teenager with hormonal imbalance this is so embarassing). He no longer holds the appeal. Not in the way he did 2 years ago. To say that I don’t approve of his relationship status / who is he going out with would be too overrated. I’m not his mum. I mean, I’m genuinely happy that he’s found someone to love (really? I’m talking about love?) and post instagram picture with. And do adventurous holiday with. But Mikey & his girlfriend arent ship-able 😭. They look good together but they’re not ship-able. They’re not shipping materials. For me anyway. 
Then I realize how crucial it is for the management to control the media play. Because fans -girls- fantasize (crazy I know). You can’t just let your artists date whoever they want. They will lose their appeal. Hence less album selling, less concert tickets, less money yada yada yada. They either stay single or the management will pick someone for them (of course it has to go through survey, media testing, endless stalking on social media about what the fans want, what’s best on todays market; it’s on their job desc isn’t it?) Now it makes a lot more sense for the staged pairings and PR stunt. Take Zayn X Gigi for example. Who wouldn’t love to see that power couple rise? 

Oh. The entertainment industry.

PS: Don’t mind me and my random thoughts. I’m in the middle of a very stressful cramming and clearly, I’m looking for distractions. 


I think that the person who is best fit to love you isn’t someone who makes you feel the happiest, but someone who makes you feel the biggest, the most. Even when he becomes jagged and figuratively cuts you like the broken glass he is, you will still, and always be, in awe of how fucking stunning he looks, shining in the light, colours bouncing off his broken tips into the world around them; you wouldn’t even care if you bled to death.




What does “having a crush” mean to you?

Having a crush means that you are blindly driven to get to know that person better. What’s his favorite music, his playlist, favorite book, place to hang out, favorite weather, color, time of the day, you know, the superficial stuff. It’s the very first reaction you get when your brain starts sending out signals that you “like” that guy. Having a crush means you want, you need someone to be yours so bad you stop thinking about the after-effect. It’s filled with lust, desire. It’s the adrenaline rush. The challenge. The very reason that makes your heart beats ridiculously faster just by the sight of his silhouette. It’s about doing everything in your power so that your path somehow cross. Call it fate. It’s irrational. Indescribable. The kind of emotions that can only be sorted out through love songs. It’s igniting the tiniest bit of sparks, and celebrating little things you have in common. It’s what makes most people stand up, voice their feelings, and they will either get what they want, or get bullied. Laughed at. Making one question whether she’s good enough, worthy enough to even have a crush. It’s stupid. Reckless. And often leads to unnecessary jealousy & heartbreaks. 

But sadly it makes you feel alive.


Love, no one’s ever gonna hurt you, love

I’m gonna give you all of my love

Nobody matters like you

Your life ain’t gonna be like my life

You’re gonna grow and have a good life

I’m gonna do what I’ve got to do

Rockabye baby, don’t you cry

Somebody’s got you

Don’t bother cry

Lift up your head, lift it up to the sky

Don’t bother cry

Angels surround you 

Dry your eye.