I choose sunflower, 

because rose is fragile

You are bright, like a sunflower

Just as you are strong.

I hardly know you for a decent amount of time

But I would never ever

choose sunflower for anyone else


Check point 1. 

Been such a long time! Surgery was my (hopefully) last clinical round, and it’s truly tiring. Both physically & mentally. In other rounds, no matter how shitty the day got you could always count “coming home” as a remedy. You’re safe & sound at 4 p.m. That didn’t apply in Surgery round. There were visite, pre-visite, pre-pre-visite, parade, and other activities that required you to stand for such quite long time, looking pretty. Doing nothing. That’s the best way to describe it though. That’s my first impression as “DM Bedah”. Our existence was solely for the purpose of making the crowd looked less intimidating. By adding few clueless female characters. (Most of the residents & staffs were male). Seriously. No one gave a shit whether we understood what was going on with the patients or not. But once we bailed out, we’re faced with death threats. We’re physically tired for useless thing. Things that didn’t benefit us, as an intern. It’s an inefficient tradition. And everyone’s too scared to make a change. We’re supposed to master the ability to actually do things in 10 weeks, but most of our time has been robbed for things like that, PBL (I’m not saying that PBL is unnecessary, it’s just the time & frequencies are suffocating), etc. The system sucks. It’s too bad because I quite enjoy learning surgery. It’s a bit like internal medicine. I loved being in the outpatient clinic. And the night shift wasn’t bad. It’s interesting. For intern it’s interesting and fun. But do I want to be a surgeon? Big fat no. The working hour is ruthless.

DM 2 was where things took awful turn. I was in a group of people that I’ve never been close to before. 5 sets of different behaviors & way of thinking. And it’s been a challenge. In other stase it didn’t bother me much (well except IKM). Not much of a group task, coordination, PBL, going home late. But in surgery it mattered, the team work. I’ve had my fair share of crying, screaming, cursing, practically wondering as to why some people could be so ignorant, so pliant, selfish. I was emotionally drained. I feel like I’ve been beaten up inside out. It’s maybe one of God’s way of toughening me up. That’s one way to look at it. I’m glad it’s over though. 

Anyway it truly reveals how exactly one person is. How you see them, how other people see you. How they perceive you. It’s sad thinking how you used to be friends with people but they ended up letting you down, or suddenly you’re not chill enough for them,

Real world is scary.